In Defense of Johnny Masters

Hello. I am Johnny Masters. My full name is Johnathan Daniel Masters. I love it. A lot. In 2003 that's what I had it legally changed to. My first-birth-maiden-slave name my parents gave me was Kevin Forest Deaton Junior. Even though I had it “changed”, as a “Junior”, I never really felt like I had my own name. Instead, it was more like I discovered, or made, myself (a self-made man).
[For Full Story click on the title: In Defense of Johnny Masters]

See, as a “Junior”, I was given the nickname “KJ” (meaning “Kevin Junior” or as my cousin put it, “Kentucky's Jerk”) to differentiate myself from my father. Nobody called me Kevin. Nobody ever called me ANY name. Only a nickname. Some jerks used to call me “gay gay”, which sounds remarkably close to KJ (AJ too). And when I'd answer to “gay gay”, by turning around, the kids on the bus snickered, and buckled over with laughter. In fact my father was adamant that he was Kevin, not me. In spite of what my birth certificate said, he was right: I was not Kevin Deaton. I had no name. Which sucks. Because without my own name, I grew up with no identity of my own.

In high school, I had a teacher, Ms. Tilley, that called me “Kevin,” the first name on my birth certificate. I liked it—moreso than KJ. It didn't sound so childish. It was cooler sounding. More grown up and adult-like. More mature. Whenever I think about DJ, or AJ, or PJ, I always think of a son, or a child—a “Junior”. But when I hear Daniel, or Adam, or Paul, I think of a regular ol' Joe. A regular person, not the son of somebody else.

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Here's George Carlin's take on “Guys Called Junior”:

“I have no respect for any man who allows people to call him Junior. I immediately think he's a chump and a loser. To me, Junior means lower than, beneath. Putting “Junior” on a kid's name is just a way for a father to control and demean his son and prevent him from having an identity of his own. I don't like that whole cult-of-the-father thing in the first place. But apparently some guys' self-esteem is just low enough that they accept it. I have no respect for them.

Pro sports is full of these hopelessly Daddy-addicted athletes who wouldn't think of taking a shit without their fathers' approval. I especially have no respect for the ones whose fathers coached them in high school or college, or whose fathers played the same position they did. When I hear the sons of coaches and former athletes talking on television, they should to me like parent-pleasers and ass-kissers. Why don't they just grow up?”

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When I was 13, I went through a Catholic Confirmation where I got to choose my own Catholic name, one that meant something to me. I chose “Anthony” to recognize my first cousin, Tony Kunkel, who has struggled with being deaf since birth. This was the first time I experimented with being called something else. I loved the name Anthony. It's even carved on my High School Valedictorian trophy.

College is where I battled with this identity problem the most. I was signing different names on my papers and exams. “Anthony Marx” was my favorite signature. I was introducing myself differently to different people. I didn't totally understand what I was doing at the time, but in hindsight, I know that I was going through a soul-searching process. I was testing out different names.

Since I was skinny and had blond hair, my freshman dormitory hallmates branded me “Slim”. My entire freshman year I went by the name Slim. Walking down the hall, whenever somebody shouted out “Slim,” I would turn around. Slim is who I was. It was my name. Slim is what many of my college friends still today fondly remember me by. I was happy to shed my old nickname for this new one. I still like “Slim” as a nickname.

But eventually I grew tired of that nickname, and Sophomore year, I was trying new nicknames: “Freud” and “Kountry”. Freud kind of caught on. Kountry never did.

Then I just got tired of only being a nickname. So one night I sat down and decided to give myself a real name. One I could claim for myself. Just giving myself a first name wasn't enough. There was greater creative potential with a whole name. I narrowed it down to two choices: Orson Jetta. Or Johnny Masters. I liked them both because I thought they were cool. Orson came from Orson Scott Card (author of “Ender's Game”) and Orson Welles (director of “Citizen Kane”). Jetta was from Volkswagon Jetta. But then I figured that O.J. would have been my initial. And I didn't think I'd be able to live up to the individuality that a name like Orson Jetta demands.

So Johnny Masters it was.

Johnny Masters was the name that would be easier to live up to. It was also politically motivated. In politics, the number one reason a citizen votes for a candidate is name recognition. They recognized the candidate's name. That's it. “Johnny” is Everyman. Like John Doe. Everybody knows a Johnny. Or a John. Or a Jonathan. So I'd be able to relate to many. At the same time, Masters would be the recognizable name folks would remember. Johnny Masters is a combination of the ordinary and the extraordinary. You don't forgot a name like Johnny Masters (it would look great on a billboard).

Brian Masters is where I got the name Masters from. When Brian Masters came rolling into my high school as “the new guy”, the girls swooned over him. My childhood crush told him that his name sounded “sooo Hollywood”. (This childhood crush also told me that the 60s decade would have been the coolest decade to live in, which would explain my hippiedom; unbeknownst to her, she's had a profound affect on me). Brian Masters was a cool guy. Never did me any harm. Many years ago, he was killed by a drunk driver. No person should die young. Brian Masters will be forever young.

Daniel, my middle name, is also my little brother's middle name. I chose it specifically so that he and I would always have that connection.

Fundamentally, how you change your name is by getting other folks to call you something different. That's it. While I was able to get many folks to just call me Johnny because I asked them to, I figured legalizing it would make it more official. So in April of 2003, I went to the Kenton County Courthouse in Newport, Kentucky, and legally had it changed. It cost me $51, and it took about 10 minutes, or less, to do. I was mad at my father at the time, and, coincidently, that very same day he was sitting in jail. So I exploited that fact to explain how I didn't want to be Kevin Deaton, and asked the Judge one question: “If I happened to be named Hitler Junior, would I be doomed to carry Adolf's legacy on?” The Judge didn't think so, and she approved my request, making Johnny Masters law.

Being pissed off at my father at the time made my decision easier, but it wasn't the whole story. The whole story is that I was nameless. As an adult, I would have gone by the more mature sounding “Kevin”. That would have made me Kevin Deaton. Only an inferior version of him: Kevin Deaton Jr. It's nearly impossible for a Junior to not grow up with an Inferiority-Complex (which could become a God-Complex). Kevin Deaton is Kevin Deaton. I am not. I cannot out-“Kevin Deaton” Kevin Deaton. Nobody could. He is who he is.

And since I am not Kevin Deaton, then I am left with nothing. No first name. No last name. Virtually everybody has their own name. Paul, Kyle, Mike, Mark, Amber, Amanda, Meghan, Becky, Jessica, Ben, Ray, Chris, Alice, etc. And you all take it for granted. Names are important. Among many things, names give you a sense of yourself, something I had lacked. Plus in a culture that values individuality, how much of an individual can one become if they are using somebody else's name?

I didn't feel like I “changed” my name. It's not possible to “change” something that hadn't existed before. There was a void where my name was supposed to be, and Johnny Masters, two words I pulled out of my ass (every name was, at some point, just made-up), filled that void.

It was something that just happened. It just made sense. It fit. It worked. I went through a soul searching period, and because of my experiences, I developed, and grew, and became aware. The result of this soul searching was expressed in my newly created name. I discovered Johnny Masters, and what a cool guy he is. He's somebody worth investing in. Get to know him.

Johnny Masters at first expressed my individuality. Now Johnny Masters is my badge of independence.

Not to mention 1) celebrities change their names (and their old names are forgotten); 2) married women change their names (which is nearly half the entire population), and; 3) it's a free fucking country. It was done legally. Johnny Masters is Law. Kentucky recognizes me as me. Why do my haters struggle with it so much?

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Many celebrities have changed their names. Here's 22 (out of many):

1) American President Gerald Ford used to be Leslie King Jr. Leslie? Actually, there's many “Juniors” that have been successful. I think all Juniors go through the issue of being overshadowed by their father, so they have to try extra hard to break out from that shadow. George W. Bush, Cal Ripken Jr., Ken Griffey Jr., and Martin Luther King Jr. are all “Juniors”;

2) American President Bill Clinton used to be his biological father's name: William Blythe IV. He later changed it to his father-in-law's last name, Clinton. Bill Clinton was a IV. A 4^th is a Junior of a Junior of a Junior;

3) American President Barack Hussein Obama Jr. (a Junior) was Americanized with “Barry” Soetoro (his father-in-law's name). Later he changed it back to his African father's name.

[side note: America's last 3 Presidents have been “Juniors”];

4) Country Music Singer Tim McGraw was Samuel Smith. The Indian Outlaw was a regular Mr. Smith;

5) Chuck Norris, Walker, Texas Ranger, was born Carlos Ray. Hm?

6) Kentucky Movie Star Ashley Judd was Ashley Ciminella. I am in love with Ashley Judd!

7) Marilyn Monroe used to be Norma Mortenson;

8) Ex-Minnesota Governor and Professional Wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura used to be James Janos;

9) Chevy Chase is Cornelius Chase. Live from New York, it's Cornelius Chase! That doesn't have the same ring to it;

10) Jesse Burns turned into Activist Jesse Jackson;

11) Jacob Cohen became Comedian Rodney Dangerfield;

12) Singer Rick James used to be James Johnson. Could you imagine quoting Dave Chappelle as saying, “I'm James Johnson, bitch!” Again, it misses;

13) Actress Jennifer Aniston was Jennifer Anastassakis. Like an immigrant, I bet Jennifer just “Americanized” her name. Jon Stewart did the same thing. He respelled his last name, Stuart, and dropped the Jew sounding part, his last name: Leibowitz;

14) Artis Leon Ivey Jr. (a Junior) is Rapper Coolio;

15) Rapper Eminem was Marshall Mathers the III (a Junior of a Junior);

16) Rapper Chris Bridges uses Ludacris as his name;

17) Country Music Star Troyal Brooks got people to use his middle name as his first: Garth;

18) The Rock, The People's Champ, a Pro Wrestler is Movie Star Dwayne Johnson;

19) Hollywood Western Movie Star John Wayne used to be Marion Morrison. Isn't Marion a woman's name? Like Maid Marion. So John Wayne started out as a Boy Named Sue? If my name was a woman's name, just like John Wayne, I'd change it too. Wouldn't you?

20) Anna Mae Bullock became Tina Turner;

21) Malcolm Little converted to Malcolm X, and;

22) Kentuckian Cassius Clay Jr. (a Junior) became The Greatest, Muhammad Ali, also a People's Champ. When Muhammad Ali converted to Islam, Elijah Muhammad gave him his own name. And just like me, Muhammad Ali felt like he really had something.

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Some people were real assholes to me when they heard about my decision. Imagine having a nickname “Pineapple”, and then later on, you didn't want to be called Pineapple anymore. And somebody comes up to you and says, “Hi Pineapple. How are you doing Pineapple?” And you give them a chance. You explain your feelings about how you don't want to be called Pineapple no more. But they persist, and say, “Well, you've always been Pineapple to me, and that's all I will ever call you. Okay Pineapple? Hey Pineapple. Did you hear what I just called you? Pineapple.” WTF? First of all, what a complete fucking asshole. Seriously. How spiteful. Other people want to tell you who you are? Fuck them. You know yourself better than anybody else, and don't let anybody ever convince you different.

Really these spiteful people are just letting me know that they don't respect me or like me. If a person doesn't like me, fuck them. What good are they to me? They are only in this world to stop my progress. I only need allies and friends, not enemies and haters. One surprising benefit of naming myself is that I was able to clearly see that divide: my friends versus my enemies. My name is all that I had, and those who want to take everything I had away from me... fuck them. And since they wanted to name me, I will name them: ASSHOLE. That's all I will ever know them as, and all I will ever call them. An eye for an eye is fair.

Corporations change their names. AIG is now AIU, Blackwater became Xe, and KU is now E.ON.

Hell, half of America changes their name: Wives. Women who get married change their last names, usually without hesitation. In fact, those women who retain their last names, with a hyphen, are given an earful, and treated with scorn by idiots that consider any outspoken woman a “Femi-Nazi”.

Women never get their own last name. When they're born, they get their father's name. Then they get married, and take their husband's. Men have a monopoly on last names. I think it's a property transfer (from their daddy to their husband). Whenever I buy a car, the transfer of ownership is complete when I put my name on the title. The same thing happens with America's daughters.

One effect of men having a monopoly on last names is that women solidly become their first names. Hillary is solidly Hillary! Is she Rodham or Clinton? Or both? Or none? I don't know. But I know that she is definitely Hillary! Just like Sarah! Or Ellen! Or Cher! Or Roseanne! Or Kristi! Or Cherokee! Or Lucy!

I have cousins who, when they were children, their mother's changed their last name to her new husband's, their father-in-law's last name. I also have cousins who, as adults, undid their mother's decision, and changed their name back to their original father's name. So which one is right? Should a child retain their original father's last name, or take the new man's, the father-in-law's? This is my litmus test. Did you really have a prior opinion about name changes? Or are you just anti-Johnny Masters?

The bottom line is that a person should be called what they want to be called. Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.

“You fought all the way Johnny Reb, Johnny Reb. You fought all the way Johnny Reb.”

—Johnny Horton

Going through this transition, I've had to think about names and identity thoroughly. It has made me an expert on names. The sweetest sound in the English Language is a person's own name. In sales, if you can say the target's name, it helps your chances of making that sale. In regular everyday life, I work on saying my friend's name as much as possible, and to call people exactly as they want to be called. If a woman wants to hyphenate her maiden name with her husband's, then that's what I'll call her. Hell, I'll encourage my daughters to get their prospective groom to change their last name to hers: Masters.

Everybody should be proud of their name: one they love and want to protect. John Doe should proudly proclaim to the world: I am John Mother Fucking Doe! You the reader should be proud of your name. Your name designates who you are. You are your name. Your name is mas importante. It identifies who you are.

A name is cultured and developed over time. When a baby is born, you have to keep calling it the name you gave them, even reminding yourself at first, since even you aren't used to it. And once the baby starts talking, you teach them their name, and, if you did it right, then they'd go around proclaiming who they are to the world, since they, just like any rational person, ought to love themselves.

The names of my daughters, if my wife agrees (of course), are going to be Independence, Liberty, and America. I'd also give them a regular first name, as their middle name, like Sarah, so they can choose which one they prefer when they grow older. I'm very confident that a woman with the name “Independence” would carve out a life/reputation/name for herself.

Give your kid their own identity! It's the best gift you can give them.

Masters is a hard name to live up to. A rose by any other name is still just as beautiful. The contrapositive is also true: poison sumac by any other name is still just as toxic. While names are important, I will have to become accomplished. I still need to get out in the world and succeed, and help others succeed. A good name helps, but it is only part of the equation. I need to make good life decisions, and figure out a way to immortalize myself, to live up to my name. I'm not going to try to be a great man. I'll work on just being a man, and let society judge for itself.

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When I first went to college, whenever anybody asked me who I was, I would embarrassedly tell them “KJ”. Being that it was unique, many times people didn't comprehend what I had just said, so they'd say, “Huh?” Then I'd have to repeat a designation I didn't want to say in the first place.

After I decided to give myself a name, I really felt like I had something. Now whenever I am asked, I proudly boast “I am Johnny Mother Fucking Masters, Bitch”. You're goddamn right I'm Johnny Masters. I also go by “The Legend”, “Porn Star”, “Superman”, “Rock Star”, and “Revolutionary.” I'm am the CEO of Revolution, Inc.

Johnny Masters forever. Till the day I die.

I got to name myself. How many people can say that? Maybe that's why I've got haters. They're jealous. They don't have my courage and they're stuck with their names. I don't know. I do know that my haters can't phase me. It was the haters (The Anti-Johnny Masters Coalition—T.A.J.M.C.) who forced me to fight for myself. They dumped gasoline on this fire. They made me fight for my name, something I never had the chance to do, since I never had one. And the more I fight for Johnny Masters, a.k.a. myself, the more I fuse myself with Johnny Masters. I am my name just like you are yours. Actually, I'm probably more secure than most. I really love my name.

Your name is who you are. You are your name. Your name is your reputation. It's how you are distinguished from other people.

In death, on Wikipedia, my old name and new name will join together, like this: Johnathan Daniel “Johnny” Masters (born Kevin Forest Deaton Junior, February 8, 1982, Covington, KY) was the People's Champ... And like the above listed celebrities, whose maiden names you didn't know, it turns out that history forgets what a person used to be called. What is Sylvester Stallone's maiden name? How about Vanna White's? Tiger Woods'?

I know me better than anyone else. I have been Johnny Masters for 6 years, and I will carry on as Johnny Masters till the day I die. If I live an average lifespan, I have 50 years left to establish myself. Well over 2/3 of my life will belong to me, Johnny D. Masters. You just do you, and I will do me. That's what I do. That's who I am. It's who I see in the mirror. It's the name I sign on all my legal documents. It's going to be my wife's name, and my kids' name. I expect to be a Patriarch of my own tribe. It's how I introduce myself to folks I haven't met yet, who don't even question it. Which they shouldn't. They see me as I see me.

I am Johnny Masters till the day I die. Because I say so, and keep saying so. This is a fight I am winning. Like a good white American, I have no heritage. I'm not stuck in the past. Piss on the past. Life progresses towards the future. And in America, I can be whatever the fuck I want to be.